恩恩语录『第三弹』之漫谈朝鲜国民经济

娃按:微博有作家崔成浩,推特有元首金正恩。

推特上的朝鲜元首金正恩和推特上的胡锡进老师差不多,英文都特别好。

但为了方便墙内的中文读者,我还是把金大大的英文推翻译成了当代汉语。


在网络扑克游戏里赢了10美元。

我正式成为了全朝鲜最富有的人。

I won 10 American dollars in an online poker game.

That officially makes me the richest man in North Korea.

我在地上捡到了一美元。

朝鲜的财政收入翻了一番。

I found an American dollar on the ground.

North Korea’s treasury just doubled in value.

我们朝鲜人的性格跟北京国安一样:永远争第一。

包括贫穷榜。

这是我们的天性。

在任何领域都要做到最好。

North Korea is number one at everything.

Even at being poor.

We can’t help it.

We always have to be the best.

短暂而欢乐的朝鲜人生
短暂而欢乐的北朝鲜人生

朝鲜人均预期寿命很短。

这是注入过多快乐因子的副作用。

高剂量总是致命的。

North Koreans have a short life expectancy.

It’s a side effect of too much happiness.

It turns out high doses are fatal.

如果你碰巧获得了几个柠檬,去黑市把他们卖掉吧!我们这里就没有水果,你会发上一笔的。

If life gives you lemons, sell them on the black market because there’s no fruit here and it’s worth a fortune.

刚刚统计出了全国的农业产量。

我们收获了三个土豆。

比去年翻了一番。

We just tallied up the national harvest.

We have three potatoes.

That’s twice as many as last year.

说朝鲜没有旅游产业,太不公平了吧?

我们今年大约接待了8位游客。

而我仅仅抓了其中3位。

Why do people think North Korea doesn’t have a tourism industry?

We had like 8 tourists this year.

And I only imprisoned 3 of them.

朝鲜的共产主义农场
共产主义农场

有人认为朝鲜看起来如此荒凉,缺乏色彩。

这太搞笑了。

我们大概有一百万种不同的灰。

People think North Korea is bleak and colorless.

The joke’s on them.

We have like a million different shades of gray.

想不明白为啥到现在北朝鲜才获得了4块奖牌?

我们应该在任何领域都是最出色的。

这次我们甚至给运动员提供了食物。

How does North Korea only have four medals so far?

We’re the best at everything.

We even fed our athletes this time.

我的国民根本不用认真上班。

这里就没有工作机会。

贫穷就是好,轻松。

My people don’t have to work very hard.

There are no jobs.

Poverty is so relaxing.

在控制光污染方面,朝鲜真是一级棒。

我们全国大约一共有6个电灯泡儿。

North Korea is awesome at preventing light pollution.

This whole country only has like six light bulbs.

我搞了一个最棒的派对。

霓虹灯闪了一整夜。

把朝鲜一年的电量额度用光了。

I threw the best party ever.

The strobe light flashed on and off all night.

It used up all our electricity for the year.

恩恩三元帅与球星罗德曼
三元帅与罗德曼

​​真没吹牛,我凭一己之力搭建起了朝鲜的第一个职业篮球联赛。

遗憾的是,目前资金有些短缺,还买不起一个篮球。

Not to brag, but I set up North Korea’s first professional basketball league.

Too bad we can’t afford a basketball.

北朝鲜的足球水平世界第一。

不幸的是我们还建不起一座体育场。

也负担不起一个足球。

North Korea’s soccer team is second to none.

Too bad we can’t afford a stadium.

Or a ball.

我建好了朝鲜的第一座高尔夫球场。

之后我不得不把它给关了。

实在没有办法种出足够多的青草。

饥民们不断地把它们吃掉。

I opened North Korea’s first golf course.

Then I had to close it.

I can’t get the grass to grow.

Hungry people keep eating it.

美国人一定都被朝鲜的科技发展速度吓尿了。

我们刚刚拥有了第一台自主研发的传真机。

Tremble in fear at our technology, America.

North Korea just got its first fax machine.

我最好的科学家刚刚发明了朝鲜的第一部移动电话。

它重28磅,能够与60米开外的人通话。

My top scientists invented the first North Korean cell phone.

It weights 28 pounds and can call someone 60 meters away.

最后公告:朝鲜不存在电力问题。

电灯泡的数量已经达到了历史需求的新高。

一共两个,都安在我家。

For the last time, electricity is not a problem here.

We have more light bulbs than we’ll ever need.

Both of them are at my house.

朝鲜阔达的公路系统
阔达的公路系统

​我们的马路应该是世界上保养得最好的了。

主要是因为上面根本没有车跑。

Our roads are in the best shape in the world. It helps that we don’t have any cars to drive on them.

偶今天堵在马路上了。

整个儿朝鲜一共就两辆车。

这TM也太寸了。

I got stuck in traffic today.

There’s like one other car in North Korea, and I was behind it.

What are the odds?

 

延伸阅读

恩恩语录第七弹之核讹诈

三合镇记

萨德危机下被掩盖的北韩罪恶

 

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三娃厨房 欢迎光临

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