恩恩语录第七弹之核讹诈

一天一颗核弹,美帝中修药丸

A threat a day keeps the sanctions away.

核背囊


 

运筹帷幄三胖蛋,敌酋灰飞烟灭中
运筹帷幄三胖蛋 敌酋灰飞烟灭中

我们能够赢得任何一场核战争。

炸回石器时代?

谢谢不用,

我们已经在那儿了。

We would win any nuclear war.

You can’t bomb us back to the stone age.

We’re already there

 

核试验这玩意儿蛮容易的。

只要能找到一大块荒地。

我们整个朝鲜都是。

It’s easy to test nukes.

All you have to do is find a desolate wasteland.

That’s basically my entire country.

 

 

我当然有一揽子核发展计划。

但是仅仅用于和平目的,比如农业方面。

这不正准备对那些讨厌的土拨鼠实施核打击呢。

Sure, I have a nuclear program.

But I’ll only use it for peaceful purposes like agriculture.

I’m going to nuke those damn groundhogs.

 

 

不用担心,朝鲜的导弹计划真的人畜无害。

我们只是想用它来驱赶鸟儿。

Don’t worry, my missile program is strictly for peaceful purposes.

We’ll use it to scare away birds or something.

 

 

简直不敢相信我北朝鲜人民放心让我主持我国核武器计划。

说实话吧,我现在连苹果手机都不大会玩儿。

I can’t believe my people are OK with me being in charge of nuclear bombs.

Seriously, I can barely operate an iPhone

恩恩具有防弹功能的发型
恩恩具有防弹功能的发型

北朝鲜只有两大国家机密。

1,核按钮的密码

2,我的发胶品牌

There are only two state secrets in North Korea:

1) the nuclear launch codes

2) my brand of hair gel

 

 

就连俄国和中国都在制裁我了。

还以为仍然亲密无间呢。

我在脸书上把它俩取消了关注。

Even Russia and China are sanctioning me now.

I thought we were cool, guys.

I am so unfriending them on Facebook.

 

 

痛恨有人忽视我!

我威胁要核平南朝鲜。

他们居然连警报等级都没改。

这太残忍了。

I hate it when people ignore me.

I threatened to nuke South Korea.

They didn’t even raise their threat level.

How rude.

 

 

最后条件:

如果美国送我一间麦当劳,我将放弃核武器。

必须全天提供早餐,否则交易取消。

Here’s my final offer:

I’ll give up my nuclear weapons if America gives me my own McDonald’s.

It has to have all-day breakfast or no deal

 

 

第一步:研发核武器。

第二步:?

第三步:收益。

Step 1: Build nuclear weapons.

Step 2: ?

Step 3: Profit.

 

很明显我的工程师们能造出无比先进的核弹头,却无法为我仿制一台PS4游戏机。

科技太TM可恨,理科生去死!

Apparently my engineers can build a super advanced nuclear warhead but not a bootleg PlayStation 4 for me.

I fucking hate science.

 

 

离上一次威胁发动核战,已经4天了。

我咋变得这么心慈手软。

It’s been like four days since I’ve threatened to start a nuclear war.

I’m getting soft.

 


 

先军战略总指挥
先军战略总指挥

 

关于朝鲜军备实力

 

我买了差不多80副冲天炮。

今儿其它相关新闻是:朝鲜的太空计划正式启动。

I bought like 80 bottle rockets today.

In related news, North Korea now has a space program.

 

 

今儿我们进行了一次远程弹道导弹发射试验。

核心技术跟把25个冲天炮绑在一起差不多。

对了,是我亲自点的火柴。

We tested a new long-range missile today.

It was like 25 bottle rockets tied together.

I lit the match myself.

 

我的海军编队里没有一艘好使的潜艇。

但有一枚很牛叉的潜水艇三明治。

我觉得挺棒的。

My navy consists of zero working submarines.

And one badass submarine sandwich.

I’m OK with that.

 

美帝无人机
美帝无人机

 我也有无人机计划。

真的,就一架无人机。

在亚马逊上花了我49.95美元。

Nobody is impressed by your Predator drones, America.

I have a drone program, too.

Really, it’s just one drone.

It cost $49.95 on Amazon.

尽管有各种制裁,我的坦克部队不会受到任何影响。

万一没有燃料了呢?

我有足够的人力资源,能把坦克车推起走。

My tank divisions won’t be slowed down by the sanctions.

So what if we don’t have fuel?

I have plenty of people who can get out and push.

 

 

美国有了一艘隐形驱逐舰?

多大事儿。

我还一堆呢。

只是隐形能力太强根本就看不到。

So the U.S. has a stealth destroyer?

Big deal.

I have a whole bunch of those.

They’re just so stealthy they’re invisible.

 

 

我今天试射了一枚氢弹。

唔……可能我夸张了一点点。

我是灌了1万个氢气球。

差不多吧。

I tested a hydrogen bomb today.

OK, so maybe I lied just a little.

I popped 10,000 balloons filled with hydrogen.

Close enough.

 

 

我有世界上杀伤力最为恐怖的空中力量。

只不过是对我自己飞行员来说。

差不多所有的战机,在起飞的时候就自爆了。

I have one of the deadliest air forces in the world.

But only to my own pilots.

All my fighter jets pretty much explode at takeoff.

 

 

千万憋惹我,美国!

我有超过200架战斗机。

其中大约有8架还能飞。

Don’t mess with me, America.

I have more than 200 fighter jets.

And almost 8 of them still fly.

亦可赛艇!我刚刚得到了一艘攻击型潜艇。

唔…….挺新潮。

大概是1964年在苏联制造的。

Exciting news: I just got a new attack submarine!

Well, new to us.

It was build in the Soviet Union in like 1964.

 

 

我的潜艇编队情况?唔…其实就是一批潜伏在水底下的普通船只。

My submarine fleet is actually just a bunch of regular boats that sank.

 

 

强调一句,我并未“失去”那艘潜艇。

它是一艘非常棒的潜艇,因此我命令它永远潜在大洋底下。

For the record, I didn’t “lose” a submarine.

It’s just such a good submarine that I ordered it to stay on the bottom of the ocean forever

 

 

实在不能理解有人认为我的海军装备太落后。

海军皮划艇配置的那些划桨都很高级。

I don’t get why people think my navy is outdated.

The oars on these rowboats are cutting edge.

 

 

你不能说导弹发射试验失败了。

设计方案就是在发射架上时就可以引爆。

现在我准备把导弹卖给我的敌人们。

就等着他们自爆吧

That missile launch didn’t fail.

It was supposed to explode on the launch pad.

Now I’ll sell it to my enemies.

They’ll blow themselves up

 

 

火箭发射试验圆满成功。

什么,发射架被炸毁了?

笨笨,发射架就是预定的攻击目标。

砰……

啪!

Our rocket test was a complete success.

It was supposed to blow up on the launch pad.

The launch pad was the target.

Direct hit.

 

 

延伸阅读

萨德危机下被掩盖的北韩罪恶

 

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